Analogies and Metaphors to start the new year

Haley sent me an e-mail of actual analogies and metaphors from high school student essays. A few were funny and I wanted to share.

• He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
• Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
• The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But, unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
• The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
• He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
• It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids with power tools.
• He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
• She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
• It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.