My Boys Friday: Playing

I never thought I'd spend so much of my life sitting on the floor, crawling around, being tackled and scratched.

It's all in good fun though, and I wouldn't trade it - especially for sitting at a desk all day long or something icky like that.

Here's a small glimpse into our daily afternoons.

Happy Friday.

Music

We've got some songs that are getting us in a dancin' groove lately. 

I hate that I like some "popular" stuff these days but...

when you've got to dance, you've got to dance.

Weezer


Train


The Killers

a desire to clear

Have you seen "Hoarders" on tv? It's exactly what it sounds like and the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. Some people are gross - and when they can't help it because it's a crazy OCD/anxiety disorder it moves from gross to really sad. The show has, for me, added one more level of thinking in my already crowded brain.

No, I'm not about to admit I'm a hoarder. Not in the typical sense anyway.

Perhaps we're all hoarders of something.

I think I'm a hoarder of, "I want to do it all and do it all really well and I have to do it all because no one else can do it like me," syndrome/mental state/crazy nutso thoughts....

Whatever you want to call it.

That's me. I try to do everything: family, house, church, work, be creative, read...

The list could go on but you get the idea. It's like I'm trying to be 12 different people in 20 different places all at the same time.

It's really not working well.

My brain is crowded.

My body is tired.

I'm out of shape, out of sorts, and out of time.

So, what to do?

I'm not sure, but I read something yesterday that's at least given me some food for thought.

The blog, "Superhero Journal" is one I've been blogstalking for a long time. I've even bought jewelry from Andrea, the author. I've always found her words to be thoughtful and inspiring.

Yesterday however, she hit it on the nose for me.

She wants to clear out her life. I want to clear out my life as well.

Some of her thoughts:
Part of my soul work is to find balance, to create a well rounded life where rest, exercise, friends, food and joy are a natural part of my landscape. This cycle of work, get sick, fall behind on work, work harder, get sicker... I just can't do it anymore.

And then I surf the internet and see what everyone else is doing-- the blogs, (how do they write so often?) the Etsy stores, the books published... their pretty houses with dinner on the table every night... and the shame seeps in and the critical voices start howling in my ear. Hurry up, you're falling behind, you're blowing it, get your sh*t together...

And then I remember that wait, I am one of those people that others see this way. The superhero character that appears to have it all together, who is doing all that cool stuff (how does she have time for all of that?) and I see how all of these projections are a fiction, something I made up, something we all make up. It is the way we gather evidence, our proof that we are the ones who are not good enough.

It's not true.
And I'm tired of living as if it is.

I've decided to take a break! and I am closing my jewelry shop until March (or perhaps longer) If you have taken the Mondo Beyondo course you might recognize this as my clearing. I am creating space in my life for more richness and more joy. I am creating space to create a home, to nurture myself, my marriage and my family. I am creating space to connect more with my spirit.

I am tired of being a doing machine.

****

That phrase - "doing machine" really it it for me.  Sometimes it feels that's all there is - doing.  Always doing is really starting to wear on me, my soul, and probably my kids and my husband too.  The stress and anxiety caused by doing probably isn't worth it, right?  Anyway, It's time to clear out some space in my life, find some time for myself, and really refocus on what's important.

I was told last night by a new friend that she can't believe how I "get it all done"

If only she knew.

I never thought this morning that I'd wake up with a three year old.

Happy Birthday Baby Boy!



I am now the parent of a three year old. Hard to beleive, but it's true. It seems like just yesterday that you were born, and sick. Now You are a healthy, active, smart as a whip pre-schooler.



Oh little Monkey, we all love you very much. You are a spirited, opinionated, and very sharp little kid with a photographic memory and a great grasp on vocabulary, emotion, and social dynamics.

You are so fun to talk to and dance with and sing songs with. The last year has seen you grow up so much. I guess becoming a big brother will do that to a little kid.



We had a great party for your birthday with pizza and BLUE cake and wonderful gifts. You fell in love with your basketball uniform and wore it for two days straight before we could finally get it off of you.

I love that as a three year old you are so passionate about so many things. You have favorite songs and always want the music turned up louder. You are a great dancer, talker, and are so friendly, willing to talk to everyone you meet.



You are doing great at preschool this past month and are turning into a major gym rat just like your Uncle Willie. In fact, we spent the day of your birthday watching basketball games - Uncle Willie's and the Runnin' Utes. And, for your birthday dinner we let you pick where you wanted to eat.

You wanted to go to the place with the peanuts. That meant 5 Guys for a hot dog and fries.



As of right now, you love the color red (and blue and green), eating pasta for dinner and cheering at the tv when watching sporting events. You have started taking showers and sleeping without your binker, even though you're not ready to throw them away.



You love the Beatles song, "Don't let me down" and the church song, "I love to see the Temple". Lightning McQueen seems to be your hero these days and you have been wandering around the house saying, "Don't get mad, get glad". Every morning you ask how I slept and what the plan is for the day and every night you tell me that you love me.



You love Wonder Pets, Diego, and Dinosaur Train and if I'd let you, you'd watch tv all day long. You love to play basketball, and your team always wins with a score of 28. Your best friend is Willie, and you don't call him "Uncle Willie", you always call him your "friend Willie."

The other day, you were concerned about my fat stomach. I reminded you that I had a fat stomach because I had had two babies. You looked at me, poked me in the stomach and said, "no mama, you're tummy means you're going to have a third baby."

I'm not - but it's nice to know you're looking out for me.



I love you baby boy! Happy Birthday!

My Boys Friday: Their favorite game

I love my boys.  My mom gets mad when I say that they "drive me crazy", but they do.  In a good way though.  The year has really gotten off to a rough start but this week I've tried to have a better attitude.  Trying is often hard for me, but I've been making great strides to not get mad when things dont' go my way.

That being said, we've had some fun this week.  Granted, I'm not nearly as exciting as preschool, or grandmas or friends, but I try.    One thing we've done this week however, has nothing to do with me, except that I find it terribly annoying, in a cute and cuddly sort of way.

My boys have a game they play every day.  Sometimes they play while thier dad is saying the prayer at dinner.  Sometimes they play when I'm trying to get work done and other times, they play it just because they can.

For lack of a better name, I refer to it as the scream game.  You see, they take turns, with
older brother leading off, screaming at each other.  At the TOP OF THIER LUNGS!  One boy screams, then the other returns the scream....they can do this for at least 30 minutes if I don't try and stop them.  The Chick screams so loud sometimes that I think he might throw up.

I made two attempts at catching the game on video the other day - definitely somethings these boys will want to remember when their older and I can pull the video out to embarass them.  However, it's hard to get on video because a certain 8 month old gadget happy baby is totally distracted by the camera and cannot concentrate on the task at hand.

Enjoy thier game and yes, I know my kids are strange. Where do you think they get it from?

Gas

I love getting the gas at the dentist. It almost makes the root canal process worth it. Yesterday I got it for my crown. A quick procedure that didn't require the happy magic tingly air but when it was offered I gladly accepted.  Who am I to deny myself such a treat?

I drink too much diet coke. I don't however think it counts because I never seem to be able to finish a can.

My 8 month old baby figured out how to climb the stairs. All 17 of them. He unfortunately has no idea how to get down the stairs.

When I sneeze it's earth shatteringly loud. As loud as my mom. When I was a kid (and even now) I remember that I thought my brain might burst out my eyes she sneezed so loud.  Well, I do the same thing.  It hurts my ears and my kids stare at me like their brains might burst out thier ears.

This afternoon everyone was freaking out. After an hour if wiping up the snot I managed to convince the boys that we needed to go for a drive. It was the best 45 min of our day not only because of it's calming effect but because it ended with drinks and french fries.


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It's a girl!

Throughout my childhood, in our family the girls out numbered the boys, 3-1.

When my brother was added to the mix, things evened out a bit, but us girls still had a 3-2 advantage.

Then, life started to change.

I got married - adding another boy.

Then I had a baby - adding yet another boy.

Then my sister got married - adding you guessed it, another boy.

Then - courtesy of me, yet one more boy.

Us girls are sorely outnumbered these days 6-3.

Every Sunday after dinner it's the same thing.  The girls gather around the table to actually talk to each other or grade math papers and the boys plop on the couches and the floor to watch football.  Or basketball.  Or anything sporty.

Well, guess what.

My sister is having a baby inb May and she found out yesterday it's a girl.

I'm so excited.

I just can't hide it.

Oh, PINK!

Ribbons!

Bows!

Frilly stuff!

I'm definitely the more fluffy one out of my sister and me, but I've got boys and she's getting a girl.

And has to learn how to comb hair.

And I get to be the Auntie to a sweet smelling lovely baby girl.

I'm going shopping RIGHT NOW!

My Boys Friday: The working mom dilema

This past week, my work computer has been broken, and at the office being reparied by Jill - the computer wonder woman.  My poor little laptop needed: a new keyboard, mouse, battery, power cord, memory, and an upgrade to Windows 7.  No wonder the  machine wasn't working so hot. 

Without a work computer however, "Working" this week has been left largely to my imagination.  There is only so much I can do on my home, personal computer (thank goodness that most of my job responsibilities are housed online), and I've been sick for half the week - puking on Tuesday and feeling like crap ever since.  It seems that the Monkey's illness hit me a week after him.  Ick.

That being said, I've had some reflective time this week.  I've been getting as much of my job done as I can, but I realized the other day that, SHOCK, my kids keep me really busy.  I haven't really had a minute to myself (what mom does) all week, and even without my full load of 20 hours a week to work, I've been run ragged.

The boys take up so much time.  It's good time, but it's a lot of time.  Then add everything else I'm responsible for and a day is already jam packed.

What's my point?  I guess my point is, that if I wanted to, I could be a full time stay at home mom - and keep myself busy every waking minute of the day.  And instead of grading online classes, I could work on photo books, and photography, and bake and clean my house and plan means and do other things that interest me that I just can't seem to fit into the day.

But - and it's a big but - I like my job.  I like the extra income it provides.  I like interacting with adults - even though it's in a virtual world.  I like the responsibility.  I like keeping my "foot in the door" because you never know what can happen.

But - yes, another one - it is so hard sometimes to find balance.  I WANT to do so much....but there just isn't the room to fit it all in.  So, I pick and choose.  I'm just worried sometimes, okay, all the time, that I pick and choose the wrong things.  I am so lucky that I get to work from home, and be with my kids, but at the same time....

oh, you get the point, right?

You do?  Good.  Can you tell me what the point is?

I seem to have forgotten.

Dough Girl

For Christmas 2009 I decided to go all out and actually do neighbor gifts.  For 12 families.  I'd never done that before but thought that it would be a nice gesture.

The issue was however, what to give these families.  Knowing how hard it is to keep junk in my own home at a minimum I decided on the inevitable....the edible.

There's a new cookie shop in downtonw SLC called DOUGH GIRLS.  Its a "gourmet" cookie shop that sells its wares baked or frozen.  Using their website I made my selections and then sent the husband on an errand to pick up 7 dozen balls of frozen goodness.

The cookies were divine.

My favorite was Margo.  A decadent chocolate cookie with a mint truffle inside.  Oh, so tasty.

The cookies didn't bake up for me as well as the pictures on the website said they should have, but whatever.  They tasted awesome.

Definitely worth a trip back.  I just need to find the right ocassion.

The Squirt:: 8 months

Oh, what to say about this boy?

I truly am at a loss for words.

The snuggle bunny of Summer 2009 is no more. You Chicker, are a mover and a shaker. You have opinions, opinions, and opinions.

You no longer are interested in drinking a bottle during the day (only at night) and prefer juice out of a sippy cup.

You climb on everything, much to my dismay, and your brother and I wrote up a song for you. It goes like this:

Climb and Crash,
Climb and Crash,
All Day Long you Climb and Crash.

We sing this song to you often. Because that seems to be your thing.

Speaking of your brother - you absolutely adore him. No one can make you laugh harder or move faster. You must be with him all the time and when he isn't around - you seem a little bit lost. If you could talk, I know you'd ask me where he was, and when we're going to pick him up.

I hope that the two of you are the best of friends, like I am with my sister and brother.

My favorite time of day with you is in the morning, when you have a bath. I love to watch you splash and scream and laugh. It's contagious and lately, the best part of my day to be certain.

Your mouth hurts - which has turned you into a super grump the last few days, but hopefully the next round of teeth will come in soon. We've started experimenting and feeding you real food - some stuff you like and some you don't. The Monkey shoved a little puffy star thing into your mouth on Saturday morning and it made you puke and choke. I'll be sure to supervise even more closely from now on.

Like your brother at this age, you've also developed a love affair with the washer and dryer. I make sure to do a load a day so that we can sit and watch it spin and spin. Well, I sit. You stand and give the dryer hugs. Who knew those machines would be some of the best entertainment in the house.

You survived your first Christmas and New Year and are already on the homeward stretch to turning ONE! Holy cow, I cannot believe it.

You love everyone - especially your dad. I should take offense to how excited you get every evening when he gets home from work but I don't. Watching you nestle your head onto his shoulder and smile is enough to melt even this Grinch's heart.

We love you, Chickie!

A little bit out of focus

2010 hasn't gotten off to a smashing start.

sick kiddos

sick work computer

bad attitudes

stress

frustration

You know, the usual suspects. I feel like I need to call "Nanny 911" and run away to the mountains at the same time.

Firsts of the New Year

Were only a few days into the new decade, but already we've got some firsts.

Clean sheets on all the beds in the same day. I'm not sure that's ever happened before.





The Chicker got his first haircut. He has learned to wave. He can turn the tv on and change the channel. He unfortunately seems to enjoy football bowl games. He also got his first super severe head bonk when he climbed up the legs of a bar stool in the kitchen and crashed backwards. And then his second, third, fourth....too many to count at this point. Man alive, I thought that kid screamed loud when he was happy.

I forgot how much of a love/hate relationship I have with mobile babies. Ug! It's totally stressing me out...in a good way, I suppose.

In cleaning out the basement after the holiday, we found three ipod cables. Cool. Anybody need an extra?

I exercised - a first in a long time. Just on Monday though. Not sure the pattern will continue. Oh wait, what pattern?

The Monkey got sick. Last Saturday at 7:00 pm he started puking. He up-chucked 11 times. The last of which was on Sunday morning and it was bright green. That got said Monkey a trip to the emergency room, lots of tests including a urine sample, and a diagnosis of intestinal virus.

Puke is absolutely awful. Disgusting.

Red puke does not come out of carpet - just in case you were curious.



The puker, also known as the almost three year old, started preschool this week. He's going to a little neighborhood thing, two mornings a week for a couple of hours. We took him yesterday, stayed for a few minutes and then the Chicker and I snuck out.

That kid of mine did awesome.

I'm working on a better attitude for the new year, and contemplating some changes for the blog. Neither venture however, am I ready to discuss or disclose. That'll keep you coming back, right?

My boys and me

A few days ago, my mom found a picture of me, probably at the age of two, maybe three.

The chicker and I have the same beady little eyes. The Monkey and I have the same nose and mouth.

It's nice to see that in some small way, my boys do look like me.