Responsibility

re·spon·si·bil·i·ty /rɪˌspɒnsəˈbɪlɪti/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[ri-spon-suh-bil-i-tee] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun, plural -ties.
1. the state or fact of being responsible.
2. an instance of being responsible: The responsibility for this mess is yours!
3. a particular burden of obligation upon one who is responsible: the responsibilities of authority. 4. a person or thing for which one is responsible: A child is a responsibility to its parents.
5. reliability or dependability, esp. in meeting debts or payments. —Idiom
6. on one's own responsibility, on one's own initiative or authority: He changed the order on his own responsibility.

"a form of trustworthiness; the trait of being answerable to someone for something or being responsible for one's conduct; "he holds a position of great responsibility."

Responsibility has been on my mind a lot lately. First of all, I have too much of it. I told my mom the other day that I have no idea how she raised three kids with a full time job. Working from home is tough. Taking care of a baby and a husband is tough. Keeping things neat and tidy and organized is tough. Church responsibilities are tough. But, I do my best to do everything. Why? Because I am responsible. I follow through, no matter what it takes. I meet deadlines and never let anyone down if I have promised to do something or be somewhere. Perhaps it's intrinsic motivation? Maybe it's a desire to not look stupid or disorganized to other people? Or, it's just because that's what I know I'm supposed to do. Whether I want to or not, I do it.

Recent occurrences in my life, particularly my work life have caused me to reconsider this idea of responsibility. It seems that I'm the only one around who knows what the word means. I facilitate online classes in which teachers are supposed to participate in weekly discussion boards. There is a grading rubric for these discussion boards that has been the same forever, though it did become more explicit this fall. Well, I grade by the rubric, because I am a responsible rule follower. Apparently, I'm the only one. I've been bombarded the last 2 weeks or so by teachers complaining about their grades. They are not following instructions or being responsible for their own work and blame me. I'm not the one who didn't read and write posts. I'm not the one who logged on Friday night when the system was down. Teachers, take responsibility for your own actions.

At the end of the summer I took on an extra work project. I did it for the experience of designing an online class for an outside "vendor", and the money, which isn't great, but it's extra and extra is always good. The person that has been hired to work with me has been frustrating to say the least. I've been waiting over 2 months for curriculum, which she is supposed to design. I get the run around constantly. I've only had one thing given to me and it was so incomplete that I had to rewrite and redo the whole thing then she presented my material at a conference to rave reviews. I've just been hired to design the online portion even though at this point, I've written the majority of the curriculum.

I am such a rule follower that this is driving me insane - because I am responsible and this person is not. I set deadlines and they are ignored. I am promised content and after e-mails and phone calls, I still don't get it. Meetings are constantly scheduled and completely unproductive. This massive irresponsibility is perhaps the root cause of my mysterious illness of last week, and my continuing upset stomach, headache, and jaw clenching.. I think I might be getting an ulcer from this.

How someone twice my age with a lifetime of experience can't follow through on something that is so not complicated is nuts to me. We have a phone meeting tomorrow. She is supposed to give me curriculum then.

Cross your fingers.