Wednesday, December 21, 2016

December blur

I thought November went by fast, but December seems to be in hot pursuit of the world record for time flying by.  We blink, and a week goes by.  We sleep a night, and it's a new month.  That's really what it feels like sometimes, like time is just flying by.

December so far has been full of band concerts and assemblies, preschool Christmas programs, parties, cub scouts, basketball practices and games, Utah ball games.  If we are lucky, there has been one night a week this month where we haven't had something going on, and that's the night ALL the homework gets done for the week.


This month is always hard for me.  I miss my grandmothers terribly.    Even though my Grandma P. has been gone for eight years, and my Grandma Huber for almost 6, it really feels like it was just yesterday that they were supervising breakfasts and feasts and presents and parties.  It seems that in these years since their bodies left us behind that though their spirits are still with us, the hole just feels too big sometimes.  Their magic is missing.  We move on, we celebrate their lives, we talk about them daily, but it feels especially during this month, that the gap between us and them is too large.

On Monday I got a text from a neighbor who grew up in Magna with my family.  Sherry (Belliston) Larson.  She lives in my neighborhood now,  but her mom, Judy Belliston, and my grandma were, I'm pretty sure, forces to be reckoned with back in the day.  Sherry sent me a picture of my grandma from an old Cyprus High School yearbook.  I'm sure it was a PTA meeting, but there was my grandma, smiling at me on Monday morning when I got up.

It's funny how these kind of things make me feel.  I felt that it was a much needed blessing...dare I say my Grandma willed such a thing to happen from her seat up in heaven.  She knew that I needed to to know that she was watching and looking out for me.  But, it is such a bittersweet thing, to be reminded so lovingly of someone you miss so terribly.  I wrote on an instagram post earlier in the week that this week before Christmas is hard for me - it's the week I'd be wrapping her presents, running her errands, and laughing with her at the kitchen table.  Man, I miss those times, but am so lucky that I have them locked away in my memory.  Her, sitting at the table with her yellow notebook of lists, throwing presents into piles, losing gifts in the office, arguing with Haley and me about whether or not she gave that exact same thing to that son-in-law the year before.  We'd have lunch, drink diet cokes, and wrap presents until we just couldn't stand it anymore.

I've been crying off and on all week.  I guess I could blame it on not feeling well.  I do have a sort throat and a stuffy nose.  But instead, I'll blame it on memories of Christmases past, and even though it's a hard time of year, the joys of Christmas present and future.

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