Friday, January 16, 2015

Quinner :: Living with a "Threenager"

Hey Kiddo:

There hasn't been an update on your status for a while.  That might be because you haven't stopped talking, singing, dancing, playing with toys, throwing things at me, and wielding your weight for me to get any blogging done.  As your brothers before you, you are an entertaining handful.  A loud, burping, farting, face pulling handful.  You talk like you're at least 5, say things that are completely outrageous, and eat like a 10 year old, regularly pounding three slices of pizza in a meal.

The other day, your dad sent me a link to an article about a creature called a "threenager", this creature being a person that is three, but really thinks he is fifteen.  As I read the article, I couldn't help but laugh.  It was describing you, perfectly.  You may not yet be three years old, and are really still just barely two, but you've been ahead of the game with everything else in your life so far, so it only makes sense that this would apply to you, too.

Top 10 Signs You Are Living with a Threenager
(You can read the whole article here)
1. You live in constant fear of how to cut the shape of their sandwich or toast. Do they want triangles today, rectangles, squares? And when they do tell you, they change their mind right after you cut it.
2. They say things like (with hands firmly placed on hips), "I don't want to clean up, I want to do what I want to do!"
3. You go through three or more wardrobe changes a day. Please just pick a princess already!
(#3 applies to you, but a bit opposite.  You refuse to get dressed every day, choosing instead to wear your pajamas until at least 11 am and then when it's time to get those clothes on, you cry and squirm and kick me in the stomach.)
4. Your child goes boneless the second you remind them that a transition is coming, especially when they are asked to stop playing. By the way, when was this ability given to children? You know, lay limp and double your body weight so mom can't move you. It's a talent reminiscent of a possum playing dead...
5. They run away from you when it's time to get dressed, or leave a play place, or do anything they deem unnecessary. In fact running away from you is their favorite activity. (Cardio workout?)
6. To nap or not to nap, that is the question. A threenager's answer will always be emphatically "NO!" Unless of course it's time for school, and they crawl into bed because they're "tired."
(Oh man alive, we are in the throws of NAP WARS.  At this point, you are good for three or four naps out of every seven days.  The no nap days obviously help you sleep better at night, but they catch up to you and cause all kinds of emotions on the no nap days.  On Tuesday, you and I went to IKEA in the morning and you fell asleep at 11:00 on the way home.  You slept until 3:00 pm. )
7. They want three of everything because they are three.
8. At red lights they yell, "Go... GOOO!" Threenagers do not possess patience.
9. Speaking of the car, you have to leave 10 minutes earlier so they can buckle their own car seat by their "OWN SELF!"
(This happens, every single day, every single time we get in or out of the car.  You actually CAN do your buckle, which surprises me, but it does take seven million minutes to get it figured out.  Forget being in a hurry, or when we're late to pick Wyatt up from school.  You cannot walk anywhere and always insist on "carry me, mama", but you must do your own seat belt.)
10. You realize they'll be a great trial lawyer one day when they've just negotiated their way out of a timeout.
Threenagers can be tough to parent, make you weary, and zap you of all of your patience and energy. But on the flip side, this time can be so completely rewarding. As a threenager's independence blooms so does their vocabulary, and you sometimes hear lovely things like, "You're my best friend mommy, I love you soooo much, I want to keep you forever!" Yes a threenager may think you are their pet, but is there anything sweeter than a super tight toddler cuddle?

There is always a lot more I could say about you, my youngest son, but pretty much for today, I'm just too tired.

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