Friday, February 12, 2016
We are at the end of our first week off-track. The boys sort of get screwed out of vacation time with year round school, but no more so than their November and February breaks. For both, the weather is rotten, the air not safe for breathing, and we're pretty much trapped indoors with our screens. Add to that, regularly scheduled stress induced freak out sessions by the mom, and it makes for a challenging break.
Lately, my brain is crammed with too many things to think about and that could be the reasons that I've had a migraine for 11 days.
I worry about my friends. My best friend since 7th grade had surgery this week to remove breast cancer. I'm so worried about her. My aunt has cancer with a cloudy prognosis. I worry about her, too. I have a million and one things wrong with me that no doctor can figure out. I worry about that daily, as well. It's difficult going to doctors with legitimate complaints and having said doctors look at you like you escaped from the loony bin. I exercise and eat right and cannot lose weight. My diabetes control hasn't been the best lately. Then there are the swollen legs and the acute pain in my left foot. Ug! And the headaches! Screw those completely.
I worry about my children. What they watch, what they do, what they don't eat, how they interact with each other and their friends. I worry that they have to spend too much time with me, but then I worry that I get in their way and just need to let them be. I worry that I'm not doing it right, that I buy them too much crap (giving them too high of expectations), and that we are too easy on them. But then again, they do need to help with jobs around the house, or how else with they ever learn anything.
I worry about my husband. His job stresses him out, in turn stressing me out. Between work, and church commitments, and spending time with his kids, and all the things that I do every week, we never see each other, or talk to each other. There isn't a baby sitter to ditch the boys with every week for a "date" and so it's just us, trying to squeak out time with each other as we fall asleep every night, or trying to have a conversation in the front of the car with the eaves droppers in the back. Ug! Being married is hard work.
I worry about my small little business. How do I grow it just a bit bigger? How do I take better advantage of ETSY? How do I find more shows to sell my items? How to I manage my time and my money and the mess I make in the house without a dedicated "Annie's junk room".
And then, the future? Cars, vacations, basements, messes, family time....there is just too much to even try to list. Well, actually, I have a list but my list is, I learned this week, very different than my husband's list.
All of this is enough to drive any one crazy. And I have a pretty good life with really good kids and a husband who tries hard. It's just exhausting, isn't it? Trying to keep everyone a float with out drowning. Keeping everyone happy, without losing yourself.
Or maybe, it's just February.
February might be the worst.