WaYs To MaInTaIn A hEaLtHy LeVeL oF iNsAnItY

• at lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point at a hair dryer at passing cars. see if they slow down.
• page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
• every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
• put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in".
• put decaf in the coffee Maker for 3 weeks and once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addicitons, switch to expresson.
• finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy"
• dont use any punctuation
• as often as possible, skip rather than walk
• order diet water with a serious face whenever you go out to work
• specifiy at the window that your drive in order is "to go"
• sing along at the opera
• five days in advance, tell you friends that you cannot attend their party because you are not in the mood.
• when leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose."
• tell your children over dinner, "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
• speak a foreign language, even if you don't know what you are saying.